The Home I Never Knew I Longed For

The best part of a vacation is coming home. Or so people say. 

For me, each returning evokes longing. We have been in temporary dwellings now for just over a year. Our flood-wrecked house is undergoing repairs and the waiting makes me ache. I feel displaced, unstable and in transit. I long to pull into our driveway after being away, and to feel the comfort of arriving at our home and haven.

The tension tugs at my emotions and tempts me to despondency. But the words of Hebrews 11 infuse my heart with hope. They tell the story of saints who left their earthly homes because they desired something better. They freely identified themselves not only as living in transit, but as pursuing a heavenly home. They so strongly identified with their heavenly citizenship that they called themselves “strangers” and “exiles” while here on earth. 

These all died in faith...having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

So perhaps this involuntary homelessness is a reality check for me. Do I more closely identify with my earthly home or my heavenly one? In truth, I’m not sure my house has ever been a true sanctuary for me. The flood last year leaves no doubt of it’s deficiency. Perhaps my longing to move home is actually a longing for a better homeland. The ultimate driveway to pull into.

In a sermon titled “The Weight of Glory,”C.S. Lewis said: 

These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited.

I have a sneaking suspicion that my longing for home will never be satisfied in this life. Earthly longings are shadows, but not substance. Insatiable apart from Christ. They taste of fleeting satisfaction, but always leave me wanting. And yet far too often, the object of my desire eclipses my view of Christ. 

I'm learning that my refuge is not found between four walls, but in Jesus Christ. In Him I find freedom from sin’s slavery. Reconciliation. Peace. A spiritual rest untouchable by circumstances. He stretches out the heavens, keeps the earth in orbit, redeems humanity and holds my heart in his hands.

Through faith in Christ I find the sanctuary that eludes me on earth--the ultimate home that I never knew I longed for.

5 Things To Avoid When Weak

Lately I’ve been frustrated with my limitations. Since getting sick with an autoimmune disease I seem to need sleep like a baby on a growth spurt. I feel keenly aware of those extra 2-3 hours that I spend sleeping while others are being productive. Truthfully, I feel embarrassed about it.

I know I’m not alone in my feelings of inadequacy. I see the new mom who is overwhelmed by caring for her newborn baby while another mom goes out for a jog the day after delivery. I see the woman with a high school diploma intimidated by the woman with an MBA. I see the woman whose marriage is falling apart or who longs to be married, while another woman is posting pictures of marital bliss on Facebook.

Keep reading here.

Have We Failed in our Discussions on Modesty?

Contrary to popular belief, men are not animals. The Christian blogosphere seems to be full of posts on modesty that are...well, disappointing. I am thankful for the balance and wisdom of certain writers such as this one. But far too often men are portrayed as animalistic creatures that have no capacity to control their lustful thoughts. If you follow through with this line of thinking, you have to ask, how much does a woman have to cover up in order to prevent every last man from having a lustful thought? This is especially disconcerting considering that even in Muslim countries where burqas are the norm, men still lust.

Can Modesty Stop Lust?

My husband recently preached on Genesis 12 and I was struck by that fact that Sarai’s beauty caused more than one man to sin. She was so beautiful, in fact, that Abram was afraid that the Pharaoh would kill him in order to have his wife. So Abram told Sarai to lie and say she was his sister. Pharaoh did as Abram predicted and took her for a wife. Was this Sarai’s fault? Was she not modest enough? Well, no. Sarah is lifted up as an example of modesty in 1 Peter 3. Sarah’s example points us to the fact that modesty, in and of itself, cannot stop lust.

We live in a sexually-charged, body-obsessed culture. May I suggest that it is not helpful to encourage women to think about and analyze men’s lust for their bodies? Many women are already thinking about their body too much. Our culture preaches that a woman’s worth is defined by how “hot” her body is. “Hot” women are worthy of more praise and attention than those who are not. This causes many women to have their fair share of insecurities and fears. 

Will I lose my man’s attention? Am I worth much? Will another woman will outshine me? Will modesty make me nearly disappear? Will I ever snag a man’s attention? Christianity offers a better alternative to this woman -- an identity apart from “hotness.”  But too often we add to the pressure by suggesting that women need to be attractive enough to keep their husband’s interest, but not attractive enough to not cause another man to lust. With all this push and pull, women are left to walk a fine line. 

Nevertheless, Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” There is something noble and good about trying to help a brother in his battle with lust. But lets be clear about whether we are asking women to help or cure the problem of lust. Because the first we can do imperfectly and the second we cannot do at all.

1 Timothy 2:8-9 and Our Motivation for Modesty

Paul says, “I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”

Paul seems to be encouraging women to avoid a general showy-ness. She should not flaunt her wealth, status, style or sexuality in order to bring attention to herself. It speaks to more than women’s clothing, but not less. Modesty is a matter of the heart expressed in clothing, demeanour and conversations. It is an outward expression of who you are.

I do think women who dress modestly make it easier for men to see their personhood rather than their parts. However, stopping lust cannot be the number one driving motivation for modesty. It places an unfair burden on women to save men from their sins. A role that only Jesus Christ can fulfill. 

A more prominent motivation for modesty should be a desire to glorify God in the gospel. The gospel confronts the attention-getting self-focus of our natural self. When we respond in faith to God’s offer of salvation, we are transformed into a new person with new desires and motivations. We desire God’s glory more than our own. We are disillusioned with our greatness and find more enjoyment in God’s holiness and beauty. He is the one worthy of attention, not us. At times we struggle to remember who we are in Christ, but as we grow in our communion with God, our desires become more and more in line with His.

Modest people may look quite different from each other depending on their culture, context and personality. Modesty is a matter of the heart first and foremost. In light of 1 Timothy 2:9, we should ask ourselves whether we are more defined by wealth, beauty and sexuality or by good works? Although these things are not mutually exclusive, your kindness should leave a stronger impression than your Prada purse.

Banishing Fear

When we remember who we are in Christ, we will feel free to give up our spotlight for the sake of another. Femininity is beautiful and so is modesty. They are both God’s ideas. Women don’t need to hide or be ashamed, but our clothing and demeanor should reflect a humble heart -- a serene heart -- a heart that confidently trusts in the sovereignty and goodness of God. When we begin to comprehend how much we are loved and accepted by God, we won’t crave the attention of people to the same degree or severity. God defines our worth, not people. As we grow in communion with him, a miraculous thing happens: our fears are cast out by His love (1 John 4:18).

(My very favourite book on modesty is Modest: Men and Women Clothed in the Gospel by R.W. Glenn and Tim Challies. Unfortunately, I lost my book in the flood last year so I can’t quote you from their book. But if you are trying to think through this topic in your own life, I highly recommend that get the book and read it.)

Hope for the Indecisive

Remediation of our flood-soaked home has given me the chance to play interior designer. Now I’m noticing baseboards and backsplash and combing the magazine shelves for home decorating tips. And honestly, I’ve been overwhelmed by the massive amount of decisions. I had NO IDEA how many would be required to renovate a home. How many shades of white are there? You might be surprised! How many kinds of trim and baseboard? Interior doors? Flooring? Light Fixtures? Hardware? Railing? Cabinets? Countertops? Sinks? Etc.. And how do you match the style and colours? 

Needless to say, my mind has been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of choices.  More than once I have agonized and second-guessed myself.

Basically, this has been a crash course in decision making for me. And I’ve discovered that I am a horrible decision maker. I had no idea just how bad I was until this year. 

Rewind five months. I am standing in my stripped-bare frame of a house -- emotionally fatigued and confused about what I want. The plumber, electrician, carpenter and general contractor are all looking to me -- waiting for me to make a decision about where to put the washer. I desperately need a cathartic five minute cry, but then I would be paying these men to wait around for me to finish my meltdown! So I make a decision, leave and then immediately begin to second guess myself.

Priorities

Over the next 5 months I repeated this pattern many times. At some point I began to realize that there was a reason I was so anxious.

We make decisions more difficult than they need to be when we forget to keep our priorities straight. Jesus’ words in Luke 12: 22-32 are such a beautiful reminder for me that,

1. God cares about what we need here on earth.
2. God will provide for us.
3. We have less control than we think, and
4. If I’m getting overly anxious, it’s probably because I’m making something here on earth my treasure.
   
   And he [Jesus] said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. 
   
   Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
   
   

In light of these truths, the location of my washer doesn’t seem so important. While I can’t add an hour to my life by worrying, I probably did lose an hour. But as I begin to understand that God will provide what I need, I loosen my iron grip on the details. I don’t need to make perfect decisions. In most things, it’s sufficient to make good decisions.

What Do You Treasure?

Someone once said that our emotions are a window to our soul. Our anxiety shows us what our hearts love. We need only look. Do our decisions have to be perfect? Do we care too much what other people think? Is the decision too important to us? Are we defined by it?

It’s true that we treasure comfort, beauty, success and riches. But we can’t take them with us when we die. Redemption and an eternity spent with the One we love most is a better treasure. It cannot be lost, destroyed or stolen. God cannot fail and his promises don’t wear out.

The gospel doesn’t make all decisions easy, but it should take some of the pressure off of us. There is only one decision that we need to get exactly right. And that is deciding who and what we love most.

More Than I Wanted To Know

I sit on the balcony of my Kananaskis hotel room sipping a warm mug of tea. The air is slightly cool so I wrap up in a blanket and sit, taking in the sights and sounds of nature. The crisp mountain air is slightly tainted with the smell of pot wafting over from another balcony. Thankfully it dissipates quickly. Buzzing and chirping accompany the Pavarotti album we have playing in the background. And I am surrounded by beauty and calm.

Why is it that God seems closer in nature? The beauty elevates my soul and causes me to praise God for his lush creation. It’s a bit like a teaser, something that nudges me in the direction of God, but leaves things tantalizingly blurry. It leaves my deepest questions unanswered. My greatest problems unsolved.

The Lure of the Obscure

And yet, there is a pull to obscure revelation.  God’s beauty reflected in creation is delightful. It points me to something mystical and supernatural. Something that transcends my understanding. How often we prefer to stop here. To have a taste of divine beauty, but go no further. Because further brings constraints to my autonomy. Much is left unsaid that I am left to interpret in a way that feels therapeutically satisfying.

The Lure of Significance

A mystic flavor seems to be rising in popular Christianity. Authors such as Kathleen Norris present an appealing sacramentalism where mundane and ordinary provide channels of special communion with God. But I think this mysticism appeals to us so much because a large percentage of our time is spent on insignificant tasks such as housework and we long to feel significance. If we meet God in the reflection in the salad bowl or the rainbow in the dishwater suds then we find purpose and meaning in the mundane. Perhaps some of this is helpful, but I find it tends to cause confusion. It often creates an insider and outsider mentality that is simply not there in God’s revealed word. In the Bible we do not find a secret mysterious key to communion with God that some uncover and others do not. Instead we find a free and open call for all to commune with God through his son, Jesus Christ. All who have found salvation in Christ have equal access to God. 

The Clarity of God’s Word

Nature lovers and mystics are correct in pointing us the revelation of God in nature. His “eternal power and divine nature” are clearly seen in creation. (Rom. 1:20). And God also reveals himself to us in the ordinary. Our lives are checkered with tokens of grace and God’s providence. But we are depriving ourselves of vital information if we neglect God’s revelation of himself though words.

These words bring clarity. They record how God has worked in his people throughout history. They reveal God’s will. They tell us of his Son who is the fullest revelation of God. After all Jesus is the “radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature.” (Heb. 1:3)

In God’s word the reality of my sin contrasts the perfect holiness of this God of beauty. I discover my utter helplessness to save myself and Christ’s plan of salvation to reconcile me to himself. Sometimes I don’t like what I read. Often the truth wounds before it heals. And we like to avoid the wounding. We want wholeness and maturity without the pain that brings us there. We long to feel enlightened and purposeful without accountability. In short, reading the bible interprets reality for us when we would prefer to interpret it ourselves. We prefer to create realities that flatter ourselves.

So I look at the vibrant green leaves rustling in the wind. I hear the robins lovely song. I’m in awe of the majestic mountains and calmed cohesive beauty of God’s creation. But I don’t need to find a mystical way into God’s presence. I’ve entered by the narrow gate. Christ’s blood was shed for my sin and it no longer stands between us. I glance up at the clouds far above and remember that the clouds do not separate me from Him. He indwells me by his Spirit--even now--and I am free to commune with him.  Ignorance may be bliss, but the truth sets us free. (Jn. 8:32)

When God Washes Away False Security

I’m approaching an anniversary I would rather forget.

On June 20, 2013, floodwaters covered my town and my home. I wasn’t home when it happened. I was at the doctor’s office receiving a lupus diagnosis, and needless to say, my world was shaken. My health and my home were things that made me feel safe. They were familiar. They were part of me. To have them both taken so suddenly left me feeling insecure and adrift. I thought I had my identity in Christ. I had recently taught about it at a women’s retreat. But suddenly I was asking, “Who am I if I lose my health?” “What use am I?” “What’s my worth?” It’s hard to be weak and it’s hard to cost other people something with your neediness. It really stripped me bare. Did I have worth apart from my contributions?

Keep reading here.

Two Men I'm Thankful for this Father's Day

In our culture, 'manliness' is a word that brings to mind images clear as mud. Good men stand out like lighthouses in the fog. As I think of the men in my life, I am thankful. I’m thankful that I’ve known men who are loving, kind and unafraid to go against the prevailing tide of confusion.

My Dad

My Dad is kind of a tough guy. Not a jerk. Just seemingly not afraid of...anything. He’s a cop who is regularly exposed to horrible and evil things. He’s a Christian leader who counsels people through messy situations. He fights for justice and what he sees as right. It’s pretty hard to shake this guy up. I don’t remember ever seeing him cry, although, my wedding pictures reveal unshed tears as he walked me down the aisle.

My Father loves me. The way he plunged himself into the herculean task of fatherhood leaves me with no doubt. I see now what I couldn’t understand as a child; he habitually set his own needs aside to care for his family.  From the time I was young, he took great care, not only to make sure I was fed and physically safe, but also in the care of my soul. He invested hefty amounts of time in helping me to understand God, myself and the world around me. 

We had house rules, but the truth is, my dad was as soft as pudding when it came to his kids. Even as I grew up, he was the kind of Dad that would leave work and drive his university-going daughter from campus to her downtown ballet class...just so he could spend some time with her. He cared about what was going on in my life and talked me through many issues. Not once did he shrug off anything that was important to me as “silly girl stuff.” If it was important to me, he would help me figure it out.

My Kids’ Dad

My own husband is a remarkable father to our three boys. He’s hard on them in the sense of encouraging them to do things outside of their comfort zone, but surprisingly tenderhearted when they are wounded or hurting. It’s not unusual for a boy having a nightmare or having a bad day at school to want his father over his mother. My boys know that if they’re having trouble, their dad will not brush off their ideas or belittle them.

He teaches them about cowboy culture, playground bullies and how to draw trees like Leonardo da Vinci. It’s not uncommon for topics to range from ancient battles to the Greek alphabet to Johnny Cash. 

What the bible teaches about spirituality is a daily topic of conversation. He is not afraid to point them to a better father, namely, “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.” And my boys know that this is the topic that holds the most weight with their dad.

They learn by his example what humble leadership looks like. Between church and family, opportunities abound to see their Dad in action, and here is what they see: 

• a man who leads with compassion, courage and wisdom 
• a man who does not blame-shift or shirk responsibility, but makes hard decisions and accepts responsibility for the consequences. 
• a man that nourishes and cherishes those in his care
• a man who cares little what people think of him, but cares greatly for their souls
• a man who values all kinds of people because his "God shows no partiality." (Rom. 2:11)  

The men in my life didn't learn about manhood on the pages of Maxim or GQ magazine. They model their lives after the one Man, Jesus Christ, who has the power to turn back the tide. They have tasted the unconditional adoptive love of God the Father, and the transforming work of the gospel of Jesus Christ in their own hearts, and extend this grace--this family love--to those around them.

It's hard to overestimate the blessings of a good dad. As poet, George Herbert, once said: "One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters."